“Shut Up and Wear Beige”

What is Surrender?

Does surrender mean to become complacent, passive, withdrawn, invisible? These are words I have often associated with surrender. Further, I recall as a child, the animated cartoon character on TV, raising a bullet-torn white flag to stop the attack. For me, I have viewed surrender as giving up, folding to the competition, being a quitter, or just taking a seat. Like the advice given to the mother of the groom, “Shut up and wear beige”, the word “surrender” conjures up uncomfortable characteristics in contrast to my work ethic.

Studying Surrender

As I have focused on a broader understanding of what it means to surrender, through a spiritual lens, I am realizing that I have a strong pull toward work, contribution, productivity, and results. I have always been wired this way. Why? Through reflection, I realize I want to have mattered. I want to make things better than I found them. I am not referring to fame. I want to be relevant - to my family, my children, my grandchildren. I want to have meaning for them and to leave an imprint, a legacy. I want the same with my friends and co-workers. I want to have touched them in some small way. As laudable as that may sound, as I study what it means to surrender, I am understanding that it is not what God asks. You may indeed make an incredible impact on the world. Humans do that! Think of Thomas Edison, the Wright Brothers, Steve Jobs, or Rosa Parks. Through a lifetime of work or in a single act of bravery, all changed the course of history for the better.

However, I have realized, though God may want that FOR me, He does not want that FROM me. He asks that I keep my “eye on the prize,” not of relevance or legacy, but on Him, above all things. It’s a different world order. You want to do good, but just doing good is not what God asks of us. He asks us to put Him first above all things. 

I have really had to discern the root of my desire to be relevant. I am recognizing that the underlying emotion is fear. Fear of not being enough; not enough to have mattered to God, the universe, or to anyone. Fear is a powerful emotion. The ego wants to use control to protect us from fear. Even though we cannot control situations or outcomes, our egos will try and will not allow for the fullness of grace. Grace cannot be earned or controlled. Grace is the ever presence of divine love that makes us whole. Grace flows when we stop clinging to identity, control, or fear and allow love to fill our souls. When we surrender control, we allow for the fullness of grace in our lives- where true joy is found! This is what I am learning about surrender. 

Practicing Surrender

Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher and psychologist, described a practical framework for surrender: 

• Letting go of the need to control outcomes

• Trusting the unfolding of life

• Meeting each moment with compassion

• Releasing attachment to ego identity

Dass said, “The quieter you become, the more you can hear,” meaning when we soften the constant striving of our minds, through surrender, we can perceive what is already present.  In his book Be Here Now (1971), he reveals a universal truth: When you let go of who you think you are (ego), you become who you are meant to be.

This year, as I bring new intention to practicing surrender, “Shut up and wear beige”, may just be the best advice after all.

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