The Art and Science of No

I’ll admit, the word “No” has a bad rap. It carries a lot of negative baggage. Our first encounters with it go back to early childhood when we are learning about our environment and how we are to behave in it. It set limits on our actions and often squelched our desires. And if challenged, usually came with some unpleasant consequence. As toddlers, it became a favorite word to express ourselves, and often met with an unpleasant outcome.

But as adults, “No” can be one of the best tactics for supporting your overall well-being by helping to create space for your mind, body, spirit balance. 

What Do We Mean By the Science of “No”

First, what do we mean by the science of “No”. The world around us is not getting any less busy. On the contrary, we seem to find more ways to cram more things into our days. For instance, I love my Starbucks app. I never wait in line for coffee anymore. But if not careful, that convenience can allow me to fill another 15 minutes with energy sucking activities rather than incorporating self care. There is much evidence supporting that over-committed schedules can have a significant impact on our physical health, including gastric distress, increased stress hormones, and sleeplessness. All of these can cause metabolic disregulation and contribute to obesity and underlying chronic disease. 

Saying “No” to certain activities can create the time and space necessary for nurturing yourself. Self-care is not a luxury, and it is not selfish. It is essential to overall wellness. 

You Cannot Give From An Empty Cup

I recently read this quote: “Your job is to fill your cup so that you can give to others from the overflow in your saucer”. The adage, you cannot give from an empty cup is so true. 

To illustrate this point, think of a water well. If not kept full, the earth around it becomes parched and dry. The only things thriving near it are the unpleasant weeds that entangle us.  But if kept full to overflowing, the well would feed the grass and flowers beneath, nurturing the beautiful things in our lives that surround us. We encourage our @Well clients to think of themselves as a “well to be well”. Keep your well full of the things that feed your soul and not the things that suck you dry. 

Harnessing the Art of “No”

So, how do we do that? The art of “No”. We need to explore why so many of us hesitate saying “no”? If we are honest, FOMO (fear of missing out)  is likely often a contributor to our reluctance. We want to be accepted and included. Or perhaps, we feel the need to control circumstances. We need to learn to let go of control and prioritize our balance. We have to get comfortable saying a word that we have been conditioned to think is negative or uncomfortable. Saying “no” to others to set boundaries for yourself is self-care. Declining invitations can be done respectfully and gracefully, like, “I am so sorry to miss this, I have a prior commitment.”  That commitment may be in your pajamas by 8:00 pm to prioritize solitude and sleep. That’s self-care! 

Ask yourself, how much downtime do you have in a week? Is it enough? Are you feeling nurtured and balanced? If not, you need to plan for self-care in your schedule, just like you plan for a workout or meal prep. Put it on your calendar. Is it twice a week? Is it 10 minutes every morning? You decide, and you will know when you have it right. Intentional time to incorporate our top 5 ways to care for your soul is life-changing. Trust yourself, let go of fear, and just say, “No”.

Be Well,

Kelly