Big T, little t…
What begins with T? According to Dr. Seuss, “Ten tired turtles on a tuttle tuttle tree,” (Seuss, Dr. Dr. Seuss's ABC. New York: Beginner Books, 1963.)
When I completed my first well check-up 5 years ago, I resonated with the description “tired turtle” 🐢😞. I had lost a good amount of weight (again) over the late winter/early spring months through good habits that were working for me. Though I was feeling pretty good about my Physical Wellness, I was fearful about being able to sustain progress as my new self. I had been on the weight loss rollercoaster too many times. But to my surprise, the well check-up revealed something unexpected.
Of the 8 Wellness Dimensions, my Emotional Wellness lagged behind. Why?
I had a tremendously gratifying career, working with people I respected for the past 30 years. I was still happily married to my husband of more than 40 years, and our 3 adult children were launched, pursuing their own dreams and married lives. As I peeled back the layers of my emotional wellness, I began to learn more about trauma.
As a rehabilitation nurse, I knew Big T well. I had cared for others with those life-altering, catastrophic injuries like spinal cord injuries and brain injuries that change lives forever. I was also grateful that I had not experienced other Big T traumatic events like the unexpected death of a parent, the loss of a child, or a horrific abuse of some kind. What I had never known was that every human being experiences trauma. If not Big T trauma, then certainly, little t trauma.
In his book, The 4 Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz shares this example. There was a woman who was intelligent with a good heart who loved and adored her daughter. One day, she came home tired, overwhelmed, and full of emotional tension from events at work that day. Her young daughter was at home being her happy self. She was in her own dream, dancing, singing, jumping with childlike joy. As she continued, louder and even more joyfully, her mother, now with a headache, lost control, “Shut up! You have an ugly voice! You must shut up! The truth was her daughter had a beautiful voice, and in that moment, her mother’s tolerance for any noise was non-existent. Her mother did not literally mean her daughter’s voice was ugly; she just could not cope. Yet, her daughter believed what her mother said and, in that moment, made an agreement with herself. She believed she must repress her emotions to be accepted and loved. She grew up, and even with her gift of a beautiful voice, she never sang again.
These are the stories of little t’s. They happen so innocently, unintentionally, and almost without notice. We shove them into our subconscious memory and forget. But they do not go away. They frame the way we see ourselves in the world, and their impact can be life-altering.
Gabor Maté, MD, best-selling author of The Myth of Normal, in a recent interview shared the same. Every human being experiences traumas or wounds - big traumas and little traumas. He stated the traumas humans experience are unintended pain passed from one generation to the next, often caused by the people who love us most, like parents, family, friends, or teachers, just like the little girl who stopped singing for decades.
Through my coaching and in my live speaking events, I share my personal “ little t” that my well check-up helped reveal and the profound impact it had on my life for 4 decades. I understand now how this trauma impacted my relationships with others, the choices I made, and held me back from doing the simple things I could do to better care for myself. Every human being has traumas… BIG, little, or both.
Dr. Seuss may have had it right. No matter what your trauma may be, “tired turtle” conveys the life sucking, energy depletion that lies in trauma’s wake. But also know this truth: BIG or little, T stands for transformation! The traumas are there waiting for us to discover, recognize their impact, and harness them to transform ourselves. It has been the single most important work I have done on my own wellness journey. We can help you do it too!
Be Well❤️
Kelly